Happy Tuesday!
Today is a special day for me, as it marked the last time I will walk into my high school and be seen as a student. Staring at the clock in my final class period was bittersweet and wholly anticlimactic, and yet it was a catharsis of emotion.
Fellow seniors were celebrating the shedding of secondary school so incredibly much that I believe it blinded them. How can you walk out a phase of your life with so much glee without realizing that whiplash is bound to follow? Personally, I have been waiting for this moment since the first day of class, but I have also been dreading it. Graduating is a forceful goodbye. Goodbye to the friends you spoke to in class every day but will never contact again. Goodbye to the teachers so quirky and frustrating and caring that you couldn't help but find a piece of your heart for them. Goodbye to the teammates who were family but will become strangers again in less than a year.
Not one to cry, I had to force myself to remain composed as my fellow band-mates cornered me for hugs (as I'm not one to hug either). They know I will return to give a hand at rehearsals and to cheer them on at band camp, but I know that the feelings will be different. It's like taking a step outside of the group and staring in, smiling because you love the people in it and are enjoying what they will be doing but also terribly terribly sad because you will never be a part of it again.
Yet, college is in the horizon with opportunities and new friendships, and it gives this painful transition meaning.
It all just makes me just want to grab a hold of both ends of the educational blanket and pull them close while yelling, "Gimme both! Gimme both!"
Growth, I say. This is just growth, and I am truly happy to know that I can feel such great levels of joy and grief at the same moment; the dynamic of emotions makes it all the more poignant.
Have a great day!
Tuesday's Child
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I know what you mean about anticlimactic. On my last day everyone else was falling about crying whilst I was generally indifferent... was quite surreal though.
ReplyDeleteLucy
xx
I have to say it was totally unlike that for me! I loved fifth year but by sixth year I was itching to get to uni (but I was to young to leave). I was also incredibly lucky in that three years later I still talk to all my friends from school days. I wouldn't worry about losing touch though. Other friends were a bit sad to lose touch with people, but ultimately that's what often happens, and the people you meet at college/uni or work are often the ones who will stay for life.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you see the good and bad things about the transition. :)
Paula
ugh, *too young to leave. Sorry, that was bugging me >.<
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